How many times have you heard the common turn of phrase, “it is what it is”? It’s a simple saying but oftentimes people don’t stop to think about what that phrase means. Its message is an optimistic yet sobering one. What happened in the past cannot be changed. No matter how hard we may wish it. In other words, we all must realize and accept that we will make mistakes and have bad things happen to us. We’ll face setbacks and even have some regrets. And then we’ll have to learn to live with them.
When we talk to our children about things like this, we should highlight that the most important thing we can do is look at past setbacks as opportunities to figure out what went wrong and then learn from those things so we don’t repeat them. This is very, very important for both us and for our children to understand. If our children don’t learn from what they did wrong, then they may only focus on how bad things feel, and not how they can avoid making those same mistakes again.
Most successful people in our society have learned not to dwell on their mistakes. Instead, they look at their mistakes as stepping-stones rather than stumbling blocks. These people constantly practice putting their past mistakes out of their minds and trying something new. An example of this is Thomas Edison. While working to create the lightbulb, Thomas Edison once said, “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”
Encourage your children to view their mistakes in a similar way. Learning to accept “it is what it is” can help them not obsess over things that they can no longer change. Instead, it empowers them to learn from what went wrong, and look towards the future with new knowledge. This will set them up for success.
There is another extremely important phrase that your children must remember and reflect upon when something bad happens to them. This phrase is: “this too shall pass.”
This proverb can be traced back to Persian poets. Its message is simply that nothing lasts forever, good or bad. When our children are confronted with difficulty, it can be helpful for them to remember that no matter how bad it seems at the time, what they’re facing is temporary and will pass eventually.
Another lesson that children can learn is that the difficulties they face are part of their growth. Adversity will introduce itself to your children during their biggest challenges and the weakest moments. The early American author James Allen is quoted as saying, “Adversity does not build character, it reveals it.” Remember, life has its difficulties and it is not fair. Therefore, everybody has to consistently practice facing their challenges so they can grow and become more resilient.
When your children become good at accepting and working through their challenges, they will realize that life is 1% what happens to them and 99% how they respond to what happens to them.
“It is what it is”, and “this too shall pass” are two phrases that can combine to help your child learn from their mistakes and try again in order to improve. Hard things don’t last forever, and they can be overcome with knowledge based on past reflection. Working through adversity will give your children perspective about what it takes to be successful as well as give them confidence that they can succeed in the future. When we teach other children these things, we equip them to deal with life’s pressures in a healthy and productive way.
