The world owes [us] nothing because it was here first”. Mark Twain
I always ask parents of the preteens with whom I work what they want most for their children’s future. Almost always their response is: I just want them to be happy. My response is always I disagreed. I tell them that the most important thing they should want for their children is to have them learn is how to do two things. Accept the fact that their life is not fair and this will be filled with suffering and learn how to grow and get stronger from those challenges.
Think about it, no one has ever said that “life is fair and easy and all one has to do is sit around and good things will happen to them.” Instead, the wise person says, “life’s not fair” when their children whine or complain about something.
In his book, The Road Less Traveled, Dr. Scott Peck’s first paragraph is just three words long: “Life is difficult”. These three words are important to remember and accept because the fact is that everyone’s life is filled with difficulties.
As soon as your children truly understand and accept that life is filled with difficulties and suffering, they can start looking at their Suffering as something that could make them stronger if they choose to embrace the suffering and respect it for what it is: an unsympathetic taskmaster who has shown them what they did wrong.
It is a fact that during everyone’s life, there will be times when life’s challenges are self-imposed or not their fault. For example, A referee will make a bad call, or there will be times when people will cheat and lie to us.
But there will also be times when life’s challenges are self-imposed mistakes that your preteen brings upon themselves. For example, if they don’t study well enough to pass a test or if they lie about something and get caught.
Regardless of who is at fault, the only thing that matters is to realize that It’s not what happens to your preteen that matters, it is how they choose to respond to what happens to them that matters.
The best way for your preteens to be happy in the future is to accept that life is filled with difficulties and learn the skills that will allow them to work through those difficulties.
First, they must accept that they are not a victim, because everyone’s life is filled with challenges. Second, it is everyone’s responsibility to improve upon what they can control and accept what they can’t.
After they identify what they did wrong or what happened to them that was out of their control, they change their behavior instead of running away from the suffering because it hurts. Is this difficult to do, yes, of course; but, life will be more difficult in the future if they act like a victim.
James Allen, an author from the 19th century, once wrote, “adversity doesn’t build character, it reveals character”. In other words, adversity defines who we are as a person.
Therefore, you have to constantly teach your preteen to accept that and face their challenges head-on to work through them and learn from them.
Remember, it is not what happens to your preteen that matters, it is how they choose to respond to what happens to them that matters.
The great news is as your preteen learns to work through their challenges they will begin to gain the confidence that they can work through just about any challenges that they can overcome their future challenges.
There is no one perfect way for everyone to fix a mistake fundamentally sound rules to give to your preteens.
- Tell them to forgive themselves because if God is willing to forgive them they would be a fool not to forgive themselves.
- Think of what happened as an opportunity to learn what not to do next time.
- It is a complete waste of time to dwell on what happened in the past because what happened, happened and cannot be changed!
- Analyze what happened take responsibility for what was in your control and come up with a new and better way of handling what was in your control in the future.
- Your present circumstances do not determine where you can go they are a starting point for the future success
